Okay, for those of you reading this: If you’ve had a friend for 5 years or more, raise your hand (virtually). I can see that’s a lot of you out there, in reader land.

Now, if you’ve had a friend for 10 years or more, raise your hands. Wow, that’s still a lot of you.

Now, those with friends of 15 years or more, raise your hands.

Twenty years?

Twenty five years?

Thirty or more? Amazing. So many of you out there who have friendships lasting through decades. That’s just wonderful.

During those decades, say, since the 1960’s, how many recessions have you experienced? How many downturns have we had in The Economy? (There have been 8 official economic recessions since 1960). During times of economic hardships, who you gonna call – the Economy? No, you’re going to call your friends. It’s your friends who will answer the phone. Your friends will respond to your letters. Your friends will accept your emails. Your friends will read your Tweets and Facebook postings and give you support and encouragement. It’s your friends who, quite often, have actually walked in your shoes; they know what it’s like to be unemployed or underemployed. They know how it feels to be passed over for promotions; they know the pain of hitting glass ceilings. It’s your friends who share the wisdom of their own experience. They have perspective. They can look at your situation objectively, and help you sort through priorities. They will listen to you and give you hope.

So if your friends can do all that for you, why do we spend so much time worrying about and fussing over The Economy – whatever that is. Someone, anyone, please point me in the direction of The Economy – I’d like to meet her/him/it and see if s/he will listen to me, share his/her experience and comfort me!

No, The Economy is not your friend.

That’s why it’s so important to keep relationships alive. It’s so important to invest your time in building and maintaining relationships – especially those relationships that go back many years. Relationships that have survived decades of adversity and unprecedented change deserve your time. Are you spending a lot of your time reading about and watching dire TV news reports about The Economy? Wouldn’t it be better if you invested and re-purposed all that time nurturing old relationships and creating new ones? It’s your friends, not The Economy, who will be there for you. Turn off the TV.  Pick up your cell phone. Call your friend.

I learned this from my mother – play to win.

My mother is now 93 years old. She lives by herself in a nice house in Miami. She keeps busy all day long, staying sharp physically and intellectually. My mother is still playing to win. I’ve never seen my mother play not to lose.

I remember distinctly the day I realized that my mother was a person with vision that would take our family beyond our immediate circumstances. One day, while I was in college, my mother (Mami) and father (Papi) and I were out in our front yard raking leaves. Papi, who was accountant for General Foods, said that he had seen a new housing development a few miles away. Those houses were better, he said, because they had central air and a garage, and our house had neither. Papi then suggested, “Why don’t we sell this house, and move into one of those?” This was courageous on his part, because we had emigrated from Cuba only six years before, and we already owned our home. Mami, however, showed her vision, her eternal optimism. She responded: “We should keep this house, rent it out and raise enough cash for a down payment for the new house, so we have two!” Papi said, “How do we do that?” Mami said: “You’re the accountant, figure it out…” Papi did just that; he put together sufficient capital to purchase the better home, and kept our first house as a rental property. Once you do it the first time, just repeat the formula. Mami and Papi built up a beautiful nest egg of rental properties.

When they decided to retire to Miami, my parents found the home they wanted in Coral Gables, which to me is the most beautiful of all neighborhoods. Papi used to recount with glee that when he was ready to go to settlement on their retirement property, the real estate agent asked Papi: “Mr. Martínez, how will you finance your new home?” Papi replied, “I’ll write you a check.” The agent: “Yes, I know, that’s for the down payment. But have you secured a mortgage?” Papi, who had only been a cost accountant working a clerical job, replied: “No, I’m going to write you a check.” The agent, incredulous: “Mr. Martínez, just what is it that you do?”

In sports car racing we say: “Don’t look at the wall. If you look at the wall, you’ll hit it.” Stated more positively, place your eyes where you want to be on the track, and your hands will drive you there. Taking a page from my mother’s racing log book, I have expanded my business and opened an office in Miami, because I’m looking at where I want to be – that is, I’m looking at the opportunities found in Miami, a growing economy, a community of optimists led by many Hispanic executives from all over the Americas.

I’m not bound by current circumstances. I’m playing to win.

While researching the topic of mentorship for a keynote address, I learned that the word Mentor comes from Greek mythology. In Homer’s tale of the Odyssey, Odysseus had a son named Telemachus. Odysseus needed to go and fight the Trojan wars. Realizing that he would be away for long periods of time, he asked his trusted friend, Mentor, to tutor and teach his son Telemachus. So the noun – mentor – traces its roots to that era. Today we use the noun, mentor, as a verb; we talk about mentoring someone.

What’s the value of mentorship? The value of mentors and mentoring is one of my favorite developmental topics. In fact, there is a section in my current book, Getting There, dedicated to the importance of mentors. Quoting from page 125, “Mentors are, as we say in Spanish, like oro molido, as valuable as gold dust.”

One of my favorite leadership development writers is a scientist named Margaret Wheatley. She says in her book, Leadership and the New Science: “Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone.” [my emphasis] That’s very sound advice from the writer, and it is at the root of a mentoring relationship.

When I meet with a client I often discuss the need to engage others and build relationships for personal self development. I ask them: “Whom do you admire?” The answer to this question gives me a window into their outlook. Whom do they see as persons worthy of emulation? Worthy of respect? Persons who have already traveled the road to success? You, too, can find a mentor. Start by making two lists. One, a list of people you admire and are accessible to you. The other list, people who inspire you, people whom you admire from afar. Call a few of those you can reach. Invest some time in building relationships with them.

In order for mentorship to work, the mentor engaging in the relationship has to a) set high standards, b) be accessible, and c) has to assist the mentee by suggesting and creating developmental experiences.
First, the mentor must be wise in choosing and recommending a goal set to a high standards, causing the mentee to reach out beyond their comfort zone, but without frustrating them and obviating the exercise. Second, the mentor has to be accessible and reachable when the mentee needs help. The best way is to set times to meet periodically, or at least schedule phone calls. It’s better to have a conversation and anticipate developmental events before they become a crisis for the mentee. The third point is that the mentor will use his / her experience to challenge the mentee, nudge them with an objective to perform at the next level, and with a plan and action items that will enable the mentee to see how to achieve their objective.

It’s important to realize that all elite performers have mentors & advisors. Who’s your mentor?

Looking at my work and life experience from both sides of the desk – as an employee, and as a manager and even company owner – I ask myself: what was I feeling when things weren’t going right? When the world seemed out of balance? When I had done the work, given it my all, but it still didn’t taste good? Even when I was well paid? Or when I was paying others well? What was up? What was I missing?

Appreciation – that’s what I was missing.

Think about it. Why do you sometimes feel an emptiness even after doing a great job chasing down a problem for a customer? Why the feeling of a kick in the stomach when the boss seems oblivious to great results from your efforts, and instead picks on some trifling detail? If you are a manager or business owner, why do you shrug and shake your head despondently when an employee leaves your business after training them and teaching them a new craft for months, or years?

Appreciation would have made all the difference.

I am fortunate to be able to say that I have always been paid what I asked for, and then some, particularly in the last decade when my compensation was more than sufficient. Yet, there were days when I felt, well – unappreciated. We each recognize an exquisite balance between tangible compensation (salary, bonus, benefits, insurance plans, company car, window office, etc.) and much loved intangibles (a smile, a letter of gratitude, a congratulatory email, a pat on the back, a warm referral, etc.). When either tangible or intangible compensation is out of proportion to the other, we know it, we sense it, we can describe it. At the extremes, we won’t stay in a company where we are paid appropriately, or even well, but the management or the culture is unappreciative, or even toxic. We each have examples of this imbalance: I once quit a company that was the top in its industry, with very interesting, even prestigious line of work, but the mental abuse nullified my handsome salary. So money is not enough.

At the other end, if you work for a company that is cash strapped, and even if the owner / management is very well behaved, very friendly, approachable and – appreciative – but misses payroll from time to time, well, you have only so much patience for them. Appreciation is good. But you still need to pay your bills.

Appreciation is appreciated on both sides of the desk. The manager / owner wants to see smiles and words of appreciation from its employees who recognize the opportunity presented to them by the employment or contractual relationship. The employee / contracted worker is grateful to managers for expressions of a job well done, or of a customer appreciating a problem resolved, or of recognition from peers. We all need that.

Let’s be the change we want to see. Turn to someone, now – let them know how much you appreciate them.

What are you giving away – with no expectation of return? What part of your value or of your services are you rendering to others as your gift for the greater good? And, you may be asking, why this topic today? Well, if you suspect that this topic was chosen to set the reader up to make a philanthropic donation to a worthy cause, you are right! Your cause. This is a business topic – about your business.

We establish our businesses to earn an income, to be economically self sufficient, to be productive for ourselves and others. That is understood. But there is room in that profit motive equation for charity, not just the traditional type of charity of benevolent donations to worthy causes, but charity with an intent of benefiting the greater good, of which we are also a part. Sounds circuitous, doesn’t it? Let me use two specific examples to illustrate, one of a local entrepreneur, the second one of a national magazine.

My friend Scott owns a bicycle shop in my neighborhood. I’m an avid cyclist, and some years ago when I needed a new pair of cycling shoes I went through several catalogues and found exactly what I wanted. The shoes were identically priced at $179.99 in three catalogs. I took all three catalogs to Scott and said to him: “These are the shoes I want. Please order them from your sources and I’ll pay you the catalog price, so you can have the profit.” He ordered the shoes and a few days later he called me to come pick them up. When I came to get the shoes he charged me $120. I said, “Scott, you’re giving me a big break here, sixty dollars…” He said, “No problem, I made my money.” Well, can you guess what I’ve been doing ever since? He gave me a $60 savings that I wasn’t expecting so I’ve been buying every article for bicycling from him, and singing his praises! How many customers have I sent his way who have bought his high end bikes? He gave of himself, expecting nothing – we didn’t have an agreement, not even implicitly, for a price break. But in doing so he gained a great deal more. (Visit Scott Likly, Towpath Bicycles, Pittsford, NY)

The second example is Fast Company magazine. When it was launched, they held to a principle of sharing and giving their information, the content of their articles, freely and openly. Now, more than a decade later I love to receive my copy of Fast Company in the mail for its contemporary and timely content. But wait, there’s more. I love to go on their website and search their archives for topics of interest: on leadership, on entrepreneurship, on branding (personal and corporate), on social media – the list is endless. Don’t try that at home with other publications. Many other publications, including our city newspaper, charge at least ten bucks for an archived article. Fast Company archives are easy to find – and they are free. At Fast Company they have adhered to a spirit of giving – a spirit that others need to emulate. Look at the evidence: in this article I’ve just told you about two enterprises that keep on giving.

Is your brand known for giving?

What do you dream about? What is it that you would like to achieve? What have you been searching for, longing for in your professional life?

In my consulting practice I am thrilled when a client asks me how to reach a higher level. It’s exciting to me because it’s one of the most rewarding things that I do – to have the opportunity to help those who ask the question, to watch them blossom, to help them on a different path ramping up to a higher level.

Recently I was coaching a chief financial officer of a major manufacturing concern in Minneapolis. I’ll call him Henry. Henry had been exploring his career situation and what he should do about it. As a senior executive he had been enjoying a six figure salary, bonus, stock options and executive perquisites. But he felt he was still lacking something. He wanted a leadership position, but not necessarily in finance. He was weary of closing the fiscal month / quarter / year, over and over. It was the same routine, and now he felt under-challenged, under-utilized. I asked Henry a simple question: “Henry, let’s say that it’s a Tuesday afternoon in November, five years from today, the year is 2014. What are you doing? What do you envision you will be doing on a Tuesday afternoon five years from now?” I waited for his response. He said, “I would be the chief strategy officer for the company.”

This caught me by surprise. I found myself scrambling a bit, trying not to look surprised. I asked him a few roundabout questions as I prepared mentally for the question that I really wanted to ask him. I finally found an opening in his remarks. I was very respectful and diplomatic, and I asked him: “Henry, I have one more question about your dream position for 2014. Is it big enough?”

Now he was the one who was surprised – at himself. Henry realized instantly what I meant. He had not reached out far enough; he had not thought big enough, he was shortchanging himself from the outset. I then said: “You know, this doesn’t mean that you should want to be the CEO. It’s not that kind of size I’m referring to. Instead, have you thought about being on your own, putting together a great idea backed up by some capital, which I’m sure you can raise?” I continued, “Or maybe in a completely different arena, you could start a 501(c3) not for profit organization to lead a mission you’ve always wanted to pursue.” Henry became very contemplative. He hadn’t thought quite like that. “Henry, I see all that you are, all that you have in potential, and, may I have your permission?” He said, “Sure!” I continued, “You have a lot more to offer your business community, your family, yourself. You now have an opportunity – to leave a legacy.”

If you are longing for something different, something bigger in your professional life, in your personal life, then take time to think about it, visualize it, write it down, express your dream. Try discussing it with trusted friends, with loved ones. Do you have informal advisors, or a mentor, or a coach? Tell them what your idea is and ask them this: Is your dream big enough? Do they see you reaching out to the extent of your full potential? Are you driving your very best race just to finish – or to win?

Every day I am introduced to people who are in search of a job or making a career change, or deciding to start a business.  After all the pleasantries and friendly banter, the business aspects of the conversation usually start with where those person has been working, what they’ve done, their education, their skills and experience.  That’s only natural.  This is useful information and it’s right at hand; it’s information easily reached on the mental shelf, at eye level – no reaching or stretching, no turning over stuff searching around for data.  That’s what they know, that’s what’s been reflected back to them by their managers, colleagues, friends and family.  It’s their history, easily writ.

But is that their value?

Let’s examine this question.  I am confident we can all agree that skills and experience are necessary.  Every rocket scientist must study rocket science.   Every certified public accountant has passed rigorous examinations, such that we can trust that they have a body of knowledge which they can apply to resolve thorny, complex accountancy issues. When you visit your physician you assume, given the copious parchments framed on the wall, that s/he has the skills and experience necessary for diagnosis and treatment of your malady.  But let’s be honest here: what is it that we all talk about with our friends and family after we leave the doctor’s office?  Do we discuss their ability to efficiently and safely perform a laparoscopic cholocystectomy?   Are we really cognizant of what s/he was doing when we were heavily anesthetized and they carried on merrily with saws and hammers in a total hip replacement?  No, indeed, we have no way, we have no qualifications necessary to evaluate their skills and experience.

But we are, each of us, exquisitely qualified to evaluate their attributes.

That’s what we talk about when we leave the doctor’s office – their attributes.  After we leave the professionals office we discuss with our friends and neighbors how nice, or not nice, the doctor / dentist / attorney / CPA / career coach was.  This is a fact of human nature.  Nothing wrong with it.  Let’s just put this to work.

It is my contention that if you present yourself for an interview, you are being evaluated, not for your skills and experience, but for your attributes, which is your value. Your skills and experience are the commodity.  Think about it – would you have been invited to an interview if you did not demonstrate via you resume or other means, that you had the requisite skills and experience?   If you say you are an expert in electronic medical records, then your resume will support your affirmation.  If you are corporate counsel, then your work history backs it up.  Your skills then are a commodity.  Why?  Because others can meet or beat yours skills, but no one is exactly like you.  Your value is in your attributes.  Your skills can be deduced by the hiring manager from your resume or your LinkedIn profile, or your website, or maybe even your profiles on Facebook or MySpace.  But before the interview they don’t know your value.  Your true value is framed by your attributes, and your attributes are not evidenced until you show up for the interview.   Are you still skeptical?  Think about this – if you and several other candidates are fundamentally equivalent in terms of skills and experience, what is the hiring manager going to use to make a hiring determination?  Your attributes.  Because in the final analysis, that is your long term value.

Your attributes are what you really bring to the table.  They are, in the long run, more valuable than your current skills which will evanesce with time.  Your skills will disappear and become obsolete as technology and processes evolve.  That’s inexorable.  But the hiring manager knows, whether consciously or not – that your attributes are likely to remain, and in fact get stronger over time.

Do you know your attributes?  Do you know the value you bring to the interview?

One phenomenon that has grown rapidly since the first edition of my book is networking using social media, also referred to as Web 2.0 (web-two-point-o). While young college students and recent graduates are very familiar with Facebook, Twitter and MySpace media for social networking, more experienced professionals and business-only networkers appreciate the power of business networking tools like LinkedIn.

LinkedIn has grown exponentially in recent years. When I joined LinkedIn in 2004, I often had to explain what it was to my business peers in Xerox, Corp.; I had to show my friends and family why I found it valuable. Interestingly, many of my peers inside and outside Xerox at the time thought that networking tools like LinkedIn were a distraction. They didn’t see the value, particularly since they were comfortable in their jobs, and perceived networking as something to do only if you became unemployed. But I used it as a very effective (and free) networking research tool. For example, if I wanted to look up the chief human resources officer (CHRO) of a specific company, I could use the Search tool in LinkedIn to find exactly that individual. Since a significant part of my job was to find and establish business relationships with thought leaders in human resources all over the nation on behalf of Xerox, I found LinkedIn to be an invaluable tool. LinkedIn cuts across geographical and organizational boundaries. Over time, I was even able to persuade many of our internal recruiters that they could search for and approach ‘passive’ candidates (those who were employed and not actively looking for work) who were leaders in their field. By approaching passive candidates, they could comb organizations for their best talent and inform them about our value proposition.

That was years ago.

Today, LinkedIn is recognized as the single most often used vehicle in job search for professionals, and the most reliable and economical tool in any recruiter’s tool box.

Ironically, many of the people who often ignored my invitations to join my list on LinkedIn – while they were comfortably employed – have changed their minds and are now ever so eager to invite me to their lists because they became unemployed during the financial crisis of 2008-2009. They could all have been networking while they were still employed, but many waited until they had a pink slip before they reluctantly accepted networking as a necessary part of life.

So if you are currently employed and want to meet influential people who can assist you with your career, or if you are unemployed and looking for a job, business networking tools like LinkedIn can be used to conduct searches of people in certain companies or industries. It can be used to track down persons in your work history who may hold the key to a potential opportunity for introduction or advancement.

I encourage you to find out how social networking tools like LinkedIn work. LinkedIn is free for you and me. Just fill out your profile and reach out to people you know. Nowadays, all recruiters realize its value, and some of them pay a fee to take advantage of its powerful search, job posting, and advanced networking capabilities.

If you want to be ‘found’, then you have to go to where the recruiters go – LinkedIn.